Putting too much effort in a relationship?

14 05 2013

Men enjoy a chase, and taking away that natural instinct will only worsen the problem. You want a man who enjoys you… the real you… not the insecure you. A man will tend to lose his feeling if he’s feeling that he’s not contributing to your life. A man who wants someone he feels he is dragging down is no man at all! Here’s my recommendations for how to assure you are getting what you deserve, and that he deserves you!

If you find that you are continuously doing the contacing, initiating plans, and just plain thinking about him way too much… you can take steps to see where he is at without the difficult or drama filled conversation. In reality, doing all the work on your own drains you emotionally and takes away the chase and ability to allow a man to feel he has “won” you. Believe it or not, a man can’t fall for you if you are doing all the giving. In reality, you’ll probably end up coming off needy – and that’s just not attractive to any kind of man worth keeping.

Remember… actions speak louder than words. Stop letting him enjoy the free ride and see how much effort he’s willing to put in. Whatever efforts you are not seeing returned should stop. Let him initiate plans, contact, and conversation. See where he lies. Most women struggle with the balance between letting him know you are interested, but if you’ve made efforts and met a wall… clearly something needs to give. Give him room to make a decision or fight for you. Never, never, never EVER try to pressure a man into commitment. It simply won’t work out for either of you. If it’s forever… what’s the rush anyway?

All that effort you are going to have bundled up you used to put into him should instead be put into YOURSELF. Remember all those hobbies and friends you’ve put on the back burner? Recenter your energy on those things… or heck, pick up a new hobby! It’s the ONLY way you are going to free yourself from the over analyzing and fear you have about the relationship. Take the power out of his hands and put it back in yours. You might  be surprised to find all that fear was unwarranted. Remember relationships take TIME to build, and you are likley still getting to know each other.

The best thing about this process is that you’ll have a renewed sense of independence that will allow you to see the situation more clearly. In addition, the wrong man will show himself in a flash with this strategy. If he doesn’t step his game up, why are you playing with him to begin with? It might hurt to watch him leave, but in the long run you will still have yourself in the long run and are likley avoiding time wasted. The man you deserve will instead step up, notice the change, and pick up his efforts to keep you. When you feel tempted to do more – realize NOT doing more will be a bigger reward for both of you. When he gives that effort you’ve been seeking, be sure to show him how sweet it is by then giving back.




One response

8 01 2016

Thank you! it really helps, very nice article

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